It’s raining and unusually cold here in San Francisco, so I thought I should write about something that makes me feel warm and happy.
If you ask my friends, they will tell you that if there’s ANY piece of elevated space at a club, I will find it and dance all up on it. You know how cats always somehow manage to find that one tiny sun spot at the most random location in the house and lie there? This is kind of the same thing.
I don’t know why people associate such activities with out of control behavior or desperation for attention, because I personally always do it for my own sake, and I’ve definitely accomplished said act while being completely sober and without being pressured into it at all before.
[Benefits of dancing on the stage at a club]
- Increased Dancing Space: It’s usually crowded on the floor where you cannot perform your sweet dance moves properly due to fear of elbowing someone in the face. On the stage, you most likely will have more room so you can fully extend your arms, do a twirl or two safely, etc.
- Decreased Proximity With Others: This may sound redundant with the first point, but it’s important. Why risk having someone’s sweaty back accidentally bump into you or getting your feet stepped on when you can avoid it? How about when some dude is trying to casually press up on you like “Oh I’m sorry. I didn’t notice that I’m rubbing my crotch on your behind for some mysterious reason”? No more shenanigans like these once you’re separated from the majority of the crowd! Actually sleazy people still might creep on you, but the chance of that is dramatically reduced when what they’re doing becomes highly visible to everyone else.
- Fresher & Cooler Air: Scientific fact due to higher elevation.
- Better View: As a short person, sometimes the only way I can see the club in its entirety is being on a step stool alternative. Not to mention overlooking the crowd makes you feel like a rock star. BONUS: If you lose your friends in the somehow, jump on stage. They’ll find you soon enough, and you can scan for them more easily this way.
Of course, there’s a bit of an art to it; otherwise everyone and their mom will be up there, so let me break this down for ya.
[Step-by-step guide dancing on stage at a club]
- Get Dressed FIERCE But Also Appropriately: Yes, the process starts BEFORE arriving at the club. Gentlemen, wear your finest but do put on deodorant, because you will be on display in a better lighted area. Ladies, if you want to wear a freakum dress or a skirt, choose one that doesn’t ride up when you move. Test this by raising and flailing your arms, and jumping up and down a bit in front of a mirror. You can also solve the problem completely by wearing opaque tights, which is my favorite solution. If you choose to forgo tights, let’s keep it real here: You might want to consider a pair of underwear that is fuller-coverage, and it doesn’t hurt to pick one of your cuter ones, either, so in the unlikely event that you fall or trip, you’re not completely embarrassed by faded granny panties with cartoon characters on them. Lastly just for good measures- for god’s sake, DO NOT pull a 2008 Paris Hilton (or 2010 Snookie, whichever you remember more) and flash your lady parts to everyone.
- Loosen Up and Warm Up: After you arrive at the club, get started first on a couple of drinks, but don’t get wasted, either. If you don’t drink alcohol, maybe some energy drinks? More importantly, start to get to grooving to songs. Sometimes I tell my friends jokingly, “Look, I’m going to do some warm-up stretches!” but then I’m totally not kidding.
- Check If Dancing on Stage Is Allowed: Usually you can tell by whether or not other people are doing it already, or if you see anyone getting kicked off by security. If neither is possible, then by all means, ask the bartender or the security nicely if you may. In some cases, the club has booked go-go dancers at certain times so they will tell you when that is scheduled. Note: Don’t feel intimidated by go-go dancers! It doesn’t matter if you go up there before or after them. They’re real people and this is just their part-time job.
- Get In the Mood: For me, there are very few things more painful to see than a person who’s clearly not having fun and unsure of him/herself awkwardly dancing on the stage. You can almost hear their internal thoughts by looking at their self-conscious facial expression: “Oh no, what am I doing up here? I should not have come up here!” Mentally prepare yourself by thinking about how much fun you’re going to have soon.
- Wait for Your Turn: Do not kick someone off the stage. That is super rude, and breaking the unwritten protocol of People Who Love to Dance on Stages. Just dance near the stage and watch for when people climb off.
- Wait for the Right Moment: Like many important things in life, you will “just know” when this moment comes. Maybe it’s hearing the prelude to your favorite song that you’re like “THIS IS MY JAM!” Maybe it’s your friends hooting at you as you show off your boogie skillz. You will just know when the feeling hits you, and your mind tells you to move your legs and climb onto the stage. Note: While it is nice to have a friend up there with you, it is not necessary. Plus then they can take pictures of you from below like the one above, duh.
- Dance Your Ass Off: Once you’re on the stage, the adrenaline rush will kick in for the first few minutes while your friends gather under you to do supportive catcalls. It’s going to be awesome! You’re going to love it.
- Be Aware of Your Surroundings: Keep the boundaries of the stage in mind so you won’t fall off when you do a particularly impressive traveling move. Also, don’t think that someone won’t steal your stuff just because you’re on stage. One time I put down my purse right near my feet thinking my friends in front will notice if anyone touches it. Nope, they were too busy having fun.
- Be Confident: Don’t worry about people staring at you. Realistic chances are that they are not, but if they are, then good for them because you look hot and you’re having fun.
- Know When to Stop: Do not hog the stage. Sharing is caring, and this would build some good karma for next time. I would say that on average realistically 1-3 songs sounds about right.
- Make a Graceful Exit: Wait for the end of a song to get off the stage. Most of the time there won’t be any stairs. If you’re wearing pants and flats, come to the edge and hop off when people make enough space for you. If you’re wearing skirt/dress/high heels, sit on the edge and then glide off from the much lower height. Or you know, hold your hand out and a friend or a hot guy will help you.
- Relax and Relish in the Glory: You probably will get some high fives from your friends. You’ve also just made it easy for a hot stranger to approach you with the line of “Good dancing up there.” One of my favorite things to hear is all the compliments along the line of”You were so great up there!” in the ladies’ bathroom when someone recognizes me. Ta-da. You did it! WINNING ON ALL FRONTS!
Well, do yourself a favor and try it! At least once. Then come back here so we can exchange fun stories!
There’s no better time to do it than the next time you go out because you’re only going to get older, which makes it increasingly hard for most people (not me though) to accept your dancing on stage endeavors.
Let me know if you have any questions or tips of your own!