The Opposite of “Meet-Cute”: Didn’t-Meet-WTH?

There's really no good photo for this post.

There’s really no good photo for this post.

Unless you are one of those rare people don’t watch movies or TV shows ever AND do not have any friends in relationships, you most likely know what a “meet-cute” is. It’s a strange/entertaining/coincidental scenario where two people meet each other for the first time and fall in love later.

You know, when you ask a couple how they met and they say “Oh, it’s actually a really fun/cute/funny story…” Let’s be honest here, most of the time the story ain’t that cute, but I do know a really good one.

“Talking to Strangers on Public Transit Late At Night Is A Great Idea!”: My coworker was taking the bus late at night and this dude was standing on his skateboard on the moving vehicle while holding onto the rail. She told him to be careful, and they started talking. He invited her to go “see the best band in San Francisco” right then, and she went with him. No, she didn’t get murdered or robbed that night, and he actually chose the exact same bus route to propose to her on years later. Awwww! (But seriously, usually it is not a good idea to go somewhere alone with someone you barely know at wee hours of the night, kids!)

I’m a sucker for well-written romantic comedies, so I’m that person who patiently listens and smiles at the right spots as boyfriends and girlfriends finish each other’s sentences and tell me all about the circumstances that had to line up for them to lay eyes on each other for that first destined moment. I ask almost every time, and I usually don’t regret it.

But meet-cute does not happen to me. Instead I get the opposite. Let me explain.

So I’ve been single and going on dates for a while now, and many of my lovely friends have tried to set me up with their coworkers, their friends, or their acquaintances, which I really appreciate. I have gone out with plenty of these guys (Thanks again! *Thumbs up*). However, there are also instances where the universe lines up the stars just to prevent me from ever meeting someone who was supposed to be oh-so-perfect for me. I call this the “Didn’t-Meet-WTH.”

Here are some 100% true and real events of how I did NOT meet someone in a cute way in increasing order of ridiculousness:

(1) He got a better job offer and moved to LA:
Fair enough. I would do the same.

(2) He got laid off, couldn’t find a job here for a long time, and had to move back home to a different continent:
I mean, it is still a bad economy and tough job market out there, y’all.

(3) He got my number from my friend right before his business trip to NYC, and told her he was excited to call me afterwards, but guess whom he ran into on the street corner? His ex-girlfriend! They got back together immediately:
Okay, now I’m frowning a little. I’m confused- I thought New York is a huge cosmopolitan metropolis where it’s difficult to see the same person twice? What are the chances?

(4) He was my friend’s coworker and he took work off suddenly for weeks due to “health issues.” I was very worried that my curse had spread to him and he got an incurable disease or something. Nope! He came back and told everyone in the office that he knocked up someone by accident, and now he had to marry her: !?!?!…My first reaction was: “What happened to birth control? How about Plan-B? Just sayin’, guys!” Secondary was: “Oh I guess pregnancy IS a pretty big health issue…”

(5) This one’s a long story abou the worst timing, but hear me out. So one of my best friends got into an accident a few weeks ago. She’s totally fine now, but she spent quite a lot of time at the hospital that day. According to her, her assigned doctor was cute, friendly, and chatting with her and her boyfriend for a long time. Somehow he ended up saying something like “It is really difficult for me to meet awesome women working here at the hospital.” My amazing friend leaped into action and showed him pictures of me, talked me up, and he asked her for my phone number. He actually did contact me and asked me to have dinner with him the following week. I couldn’t because I was going on vacation then and asked about that same week, and he said he was going on vacation too. He suggested that I should just let him know when I get back in town. I did and he told me that since then, he has started seeing someone but it’s not serious yet. He just wanted to be honest. That was really nice of him so we scheduled dinner for later that week…And then the day before the date he sent me a really long text apologizing and explaining that the woman he had been seeing just had talk with him and now they’re exclusive, so unfortunately he had to cancel the dinner date: I thought about it, and this lady had made this doctor her boyfriend in less than three full weeks. BRAVO.

I know what you’re thinking: I could have met these guys earlier before all these weird things happened, and it would have all worked out! But my friends chose those very particular days to try to introduce me to those dudes- You snooze, you lose, I suppose.

Enough of these kinds of incidents in a row and I ended up wondering if I have done something terribly wrong in my life to cause bad karma, but I can’t think of anything. I’m no saint, but I definitely have not done anything that earn bad juju like this. Maybe enough to make a dirty urban pigeon fly into my face, but that already happened a few months ago.

Anyway, I think it’s funny how much emphasis people place on how a couple meets. The most loving and stable relationships I know in my social circle began from really ordinary circumstances. The majority of them can be summed up as “We were both at the same party and started talking.”

In the same vein, I know a lot of folks who met their significant others online try to hide that fact. They come up with a mutually agreed-upon fake story of how they met a bar or whatever. Seriously, no one cares. Unless it was a digital mail-order foreign bride/groom type of deal, in which case please tell me because I probably don’t want to be friends with you.

You know that famous quote in Shakespeare’s Romeo & Juliet? Well, it doesn’t matter what kind of name your rose has AND it doesn’t matter where and how you got that damn rose, either. Just ask the contestants on the Bachelor/ette TV shows. I kid, I kid, but damn, earth’s population is 7 billion and counting. The fact that you meet anyone you’re not completely annoyed with is always already pretty miraculous.

Happy meeting people!



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