Wise Words from My Amazing Friends: Vanessa on Matters of the Heart

This is the face of someone who will not hesitate to punch a person in the throat or groin if needed.

This is the face of someone who will not hesitate to punch a person in the throat or groin if needed.

Vanessa is one of my oldest friends. Since high school, she has been there for me throughout almost all of my boy problems and boy joys (Cute rhyming, right? Maybe the phrase will catch on). She’d listen patiently when I giggle through detailed recounts of great dates, and comfort me when I cry through explanations of why it didn’t work out. She’s also one of the rare few people who don’t look at me like I’m crazy when I draw parallels between real life experiences and something that happens in Harry Potter.

We are so close and comfortable with each another that when we used to both have super short hair, walking down the street together we received glances from strangers who obviously think we’re a lesbian couple.  It was very amusing, but yes, we should all be so lucky that the person we’re dating happens to be one of our best friends.

Anyway, recently Vanessa comments that I’m very good about keeping safe. It’s true: I carry a pepper spray with me 95% of the time, I rarely use my headphones outside of the office or home because I like to be aware of my surroundings at all times, and I only very occasionally get wasted and I only do that when I’m surrounded by close ones. My dad grew up in a part of Vietnam that was pretty shady back then, so at an early age, I was taught the mindset to always be cautious: “If someone asks you for directions, tell them but don’t go with them. Write it down on a piece of paper if they insist.” “If a stranger offers to help you carry your luggage, say ‘no, thank you’- who knows if they’ll run off with it.” “Try to memorize the cab driver’s name or license plate until you are out of the car.” And of course- “Never get into a physical fight with anyone in their own home. They would know where the knives are.” I remember reading multiple books on safety tips for children as well. High five, parents.

So I tell Vanessa that, yes, I am very careful about physical safety but I am actually really terrible at guarding against others when it comes to matters of the heart. Continue reading

Quarterlife Lessons From the HBO Show “Girls”: S2E5

(Post about the season 2 premier is here, the post about S2E2 is here, the one about S2E4 is here. No, I didn’t write about episode 3. Stop yelling at me.)

Yes I’m writing this blog post on Valentine’s Day, because that is what a single girl like me do on Single Awareness Day.

ANYWAY! So “One Man’s Trash” is definitely the hottest episode so far, but also the most thought-provoking. I feel like this episode was sort of a fairy tale. Not the kind with the “happy ever after” ending, but the Grimms’ Brothers’ kind that’s dark and with a deep moral (Did you know in the original version of Little Mermaid, she DIES IN THE END? Well, now you know).

I feel like both Hannah and Joshua needed this. They’re both at a f-ed up point of their lives, and they’re just two extremely lonely people who just want to give and receive affections without facing the reality. When they happened to meet at the same place and same time, they live out this sort of temporary fantasy to escape their situations, which are full of problems. It’s kind of like what people say about a foreign vacation fling: It’s only so much more magical and passionate because this stranger is exotic to you, and you don’t need to care enough to get to know them as a person since you know this won’t last.

From Hannah’s angle, she needed to know what happiness feels like, even if it’s built on a false foundation. Ignorance is bliss, no? And with a man who does not know about her past, she is finally comfortable to ask for what she wants, whether it was in bed or making Joshua beg her to stay. Hence the super hot sex scenes!…

As for Joshua, I feel like he was SO NICE to Hannah because he knows he was supposed to do all these wonderful things for his wife, who left because he got too busy and ignored her basically, and this was making up for his past mistakes indirectly.

When Hannah started crying in Joshua’s bed, I started crying too. She’s so happy that she’s finally happy for once but she realizes that this isn’t real. This person doesn’t know her at all, and she doesn’t know him either. It hit her all of the sudden that she wants this level of happiness but with someone else. She tries to share parts of herself with Joshua and asks him to do the same, and unsurprisingly, he avoids it and runs away.

*SIGH* Here are some things I thought were meaningful from the show:

  1. 1.    If you’re planning on apologizing to someone, say “I’m sorry” early or you just sound like you’re excusing yourself.- Ahem, Hannah! People tend to ramble a bit when they feel bad about something, but verbalize it sooner than later. And when in doubt, apologize again in the middle and or the end.
  2. 2.    If someone’s seems too good to be true, they probably are.- Handsome and fit doctor with a great house? Yep, still married.
  3. 3.    If you’re dating someone and you have the ability to lift them up on a counter, DO IT because it’s SO HOT.- Just be careful. Don’t drop them and make sure there are no sharp or breakable obstacles.
  4. 4.    People are afraid to admit that they’re lonely, but we all really are sometimes.- Hannah has friends and family, but she only realized how lonely she is in “such a deep, deep way” until she had a taste of conditional intimacy with Joshua.
  5. 5.    There are many things in life one can try to achieve: financial success, popularity, the dream job, “being cool,” etc., but the one thing that is the hardest to accomplish and the most important one is happiness. 

Lastly, to people who say that Lena Dunham isn’t attractive enough to sleep with Patrick Wilson, you’re part of the reason why 1 in 150 fifteen year old girls suffers from anorexia.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Chin